Craigslist Translator

Been awhile since I published, however it's been a busy bit of time. During the last few months, I've been searching for a place to live. Craigslist is well respected and heavily used here in Hawaii, and I've really gotten a feel for what people mean when they create and post Craigslist ads. There are a number of key terms to consider, and I've put together this list for your convenience, should you ever need to find a place to live via the Craigslist option. (Most of this is blown out of proportion, just to be clear.)

"clean": recently vacuumed some of the place, and most of it isn't in imminent danger of falling apart.
"quiet and cool": no air conditioner, hopefully rains a lot.
"cozy": founding member of the itty, bitty apartment committee
"historic": hella old.
"spacious studio with panoramic views": hopefully the view outside will distract you from the mess this place is on the inside.
"breezy": again, no air conditioner, but it might cool down a bit in the evenings. You'll just love the cooler seasons...
"Small pets ok": Must be a rat dog, or preferably a rat.
"in a desirable neighborhood": there's a Safeway a few blocks away. Never mind the meth dealers and gunshots you could set your clock to.
"tropical home": bugs, animals you didn't invite and way too much humidity for the average person.
"must love dogs, wonderful/well-behaved (some breed, some age) lives with us": when you visit, the dog will either attack you, hump your leg, or try to attack a neighboring dog through the fence. Possibly barf on something important.
"park view": you can see some grass across the main thoroughfare through the buses.
"location, location, location": don't expect much on the inside.
"utilities included except electric, gas": why even bother saying that at this point?
"no credit check": you could be in trouble.

There are a bunch of listings that have mispellings, and I feel like I could talk them way down from their asking price. Maybe it'd work, maybe not.

Onward and upward, here we go. And wish me luck in my housing search.