Hey people. It's been a while. Nice to see you again. But the reason for this post is not so joyous; I know I'm usually a happy-ish kinda person, but: not everyday goes as planned. Some days, they make you want to say, "I'm over this. Just over this." But I can't be over this; I've had type 1 diabetes for 24 years, and it's not going anywhere. C'mon researchers, I know you can do it!
Here's the context: I just started a new job. It's a killer gig, and I'm really excited about it. My working title is Executive Director of the Consortium for Data Analytics in Risk (CDAR) at UC Berkeley. The Economics and Statistics Departments are connected, as is a really forward-thinking industry partner, and there are two folks, plus a post-doc researcher I haven't yet met, churning research product pretty regularly. The mission is simple, yet elegant: work to bridge the academic and industry dimensions of data analysis regarding capital management and portfolio management, and minimize/mitigate risk in investment strategies. It's fantastic. And the people I'm working with are brilliant and very cool. On to the story.
This morning, had a meeting set for 10am. A meeting I arranged. A meeting I was looking forward to. A meeting that can happen another time, yes; but so what? I woke up, at 10:40am. Everyone's nightmare, right? Even more so here: I woke up to that familiar-yet-terrible low blood sugar feeling. And I was immediately pissed off, embarrassed, hungry for all of the carbs in the whole world, and hopeful they wouldn't want to can me. And then I had to make the phone calls and emails. That's the worst part. Knowing you screwed up, yet not even really, because not every blood sugar is preventable or knowable. Not every change in blood sugar can be traced to something clearly. That's one of the most irritating things about living with T1D: there is no blood sugar crystal ball. No matter how good you are at it, T1D can still surprise you.
I work pretty hard at managing this thing, while still having a life. Up through this past June, I was working three, and for a month, juggling four, part time jobs, and law school. Yeah, I know, I kinda asked for that batch of wildness. But out of all the things that can go wrong, this is the one that makes me feel powerless. As a wise cartoon once said, repeatedly, "that really grinds my gears."
I'm going to still work hard at making T1D work for me, as it already has time and again. But every once in a while, until we get this thing cured or auto-tuned, I know that it might kick my ass occasionally. I have to know it, and be willing to roll with it, otherwise it will make me crazy. For the most part, my life with T1D has been far better for it than in spite of it. But sometimes...sometimes blood sugars just kick your ass.
